This morning of 10-26-2011, I woke up thinking about my very strange dream. I dreamed that a woman and I were either undercover or in hiding. The two of us had somehow borrowed or temporarily traded bodies with two other women who were also in hiding or undercover in their location.
The woman I was with was deeply depressed and wanted to do heavy drugs to escape. I did my best to dissuade her from taking this course as the body she was currently inhabiting was only on loan to her. I was certain that the owner of the body would not want her body ruined in this way.
I awoke wondering if I was also doing harm to this borrowed body I currently inhabit due to my over-eating and lack of exercise. Was that the message of the dream?
* * * * * * * *
When I went through chemo over a year ago, I lost 17 pounds without even trying. Then through exerted effort, I lost an additional 8. So all told, over the course of a year plus, I lost 25 pounds. Since that time, I have gained all 25 of those pounds back plus more. I weigh more now than I have ever weighed before.
Why?
Well, part of it is that I turned rebel. Some aspect of me resented the fact that for 6 months, I couldn't taste a good portion of the food I put in my mouth. Then I put myself on a rather strict diet for an additional 6 months. Last spring, some aspect of me - an inner child or some other aspect rose up in rebellion. So I have indulged myself since then - eating whatever I felt like.
Another reason is that I got myself totally confused. I was following the Food Pyramid Diet. Then I started reading the "Fit for Life" material that contradicts some of that. I got to the point that I didn't know what to believe is the true correct course to follow nutritionally.
I have noticed that lately, I cannot eat very much without feeling overly full. I am kind of turning off food a bit. As I told my husband tonight, I am not fully trusting that this is going to be a long-lasting phase. I don't really trust myself per this endeavor to eat better and less and perhaps try to get some exercise as well.
So I will simply take this one day at a time and see where I am at.
I met one of my best friends for lunch at Olive Garden in Johnson City. It tasted really good; however, I went away from there feeling really bloated. I drank a Mellow Yellow.
Here are the steps I took for the rest of the day:
1. I drank only water for the rest of the day. I am thinking that I may try to cut out soft drinks altogether. I had been drinking Diet Ginger Ale, Ginger Ale, Mellow Yellow, Mountain Dew, and Diet Mountain Dew fairly often. I think if I cut out all of those, I may notice some weight loss from that effort alone.
2. My husband wanted to go out to eat. We went to China Chef in Greeneville. I wasn't really hungry, so I just ordered an appetizer of Potstickers dipped in Plum Sauce. I ate 5 - I think. I drank water. I brought the rest home so Randy, my husband, can bring them to the nursing home tomorrow to offer the rest to my mother-in-law and her roommate. I bet they will love the sweet plum sauce. They adore sweet things.
3. I made Lemon Cottage Cheese Whip at Randy's request. We each ate a dish of it. You mix together Lemon Jello powder, Cool Whip, Cottage Cheese, Crushed Pineapple, and crushed walnuts. It was pretty yummy! You can use any flavor Jello.
4. I made some Red Pepper Soup that I learned about when telling stories at Historic Rugby in Tennessee last weekend. I had about half a cup. It was yummy! I would like to eat more soup. This is kind of the time of year for that.
5. While grocery shopping, I bought a bag of Gala Apples. Those are my favorite type of apples. I ate one apple later on. It was sweet and delicious.
6. I had one piece of Dove dark chocolate.
7. I ended the evening having 2 mugs of Hazelnut Cappuccino made with 2% milk.
So, we will see how tomorrow goes. I feel pretty good about today.
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